Aunt May had her own plan.

I had planned an afternoon for Aunt May before I asked Aunt May about it. There was a short walk, an early booking and a cafe selected mainly because I thought the chairs looked sensible.

She listened, then asked why we were walking so little. I said I had wanted to make it easy. She said she had walked further that morning to buy good tomatoes.

I put the plan down and asked which part of the afternoon she actually wanted.

The useful details were specific.

She liked the idea of trying somewhere new. She wanted clear information about the changing arrangements and preferred not to rush between activities. She also wanted the cafe, although for the tea rather than the chairs.

I asked whether she wanted me to make the enquiries. She did, so we wrote down her questions together.

I had been treating age as though it supplied a complete list of preferences. It had not told me that she disliked scented products or that she was perfectly happy taking transit.

We left the choices with her.

Once we had the information, we chose the parts that suited us. Anything involving a health question could wait for appropriate advice rather than a guess from me.

We agreed that either of us could shorten the afternoon. May said that was sensible, because I was usually the one who became hungry first.

At the cafe, she told me about a friend I had not heard mentioned in years. We stayed longer than planned, which was possible because we had finally stopped filling every part of the day.

On the way home she suggested another outing. This time, I asked what she had in mind before opening a map. She had a place to show me and a very firm opinion about where we should have lunch.